Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
