upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost the right to judge tonight
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
