I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
