How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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