it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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