No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
