i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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