So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
