the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
