I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
