If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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