I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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