first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
