So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
