she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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