The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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