I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
