Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
