Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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