How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
