The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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