you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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