So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
