it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
