He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
