There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
