I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
