mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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