After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
