It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
