Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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