Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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