After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
