I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
