I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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