Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
