My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
