She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
