Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
