yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
