i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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