good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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