4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
