Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
