I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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