So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
