Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
