I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
