i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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