What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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