i can't believe i had my finger in that
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
